Little Red Twilight
by ZXZLazyZXZ
Summary: A parody to Little Red Ridinghood. Plot twist Bella has to choose between The Big Bad Wolf and a vampire, it's life or death!


**Little Red Twilight**

 **Author Notes: Warning there are graphic details near the end.**

Bella just got used to the fact her mother Renée has transgender to a man name Charlie. One day her father Charlie is sending her to a trip to her grandmother's house, he could do it himself but his own mother has not accepted him for his real self.

"Here's a basket full of cavities, be a doll and take them to your grandmother." He examines her outfit. "At least you're wearing pastel."

"You've been freaking nagging me to put color on. The only reason why I'm wearing this is because, you burn all my good cloths you jerk!" Bella shout in anger.

But Charlie ignorer her complains and wishes her luck. "Good luck. Be careful out there."

"Oh, grandma's house is so far away." She complain again. "Doesn't matter I'm going to use my moto- I mean bike. Yeah, bike."

"Well, whatever transportation you have in mind, I want you to be careful out there."

Bella got on her motorcycle that she hid in the bushes, her father would have never allow her to have one; in his opinion motorcycles produce more deaths on the road. Then motorcycle broke down only halfway to grandma's house.

"Dammit!" She sighs. "Looks like I'm walking to grandmas." She said talking to herself.

Bella skips on the path that leads to her grandmother's house. Should I tell Charlie that grandma is a grandpa? Hey at least he won't be alone, but I made a promise to grandpa. What should I do? Damn, I hate keeping secrets. Why can't everyone be brave enough to show their true colors? Bella's thoughts were interrupted, as she heard a rustle coming from a bush.

She walk four paces to the bush, then she see a brownish reddish bluer jump in front of her. It was the Big Bad Wolf.

"Grrrrrrrrrrr. Ah, ah, ah. Growling, growling. Bull-crap, bull-crap." Said the Big Bad Wolf.

"Are kidding me? That's the worst fake growling I've ever heard in my life." Said Bella.

"I know, I just kept anticipating what's going to happen to me at the end of this story."

"Keep your big mouth shut, you're going to spoiled it to the readers! The faster we read our lines, the faster we'll get this dumb story done." Bella told the Big Bad Wolf, as she offended the readers. "Hello, mister."

"I'm the Bid Bad Wolf, but call me Jacob."

"I'm Red for no good reason, but call me Bella."

Bella and Jacob walk together, as they continue their conversation. "So, Bella, where are you going?" Jacob ask, wondering why a sixteen year old girl would be in the woods all by herself.

"I'm going to my grandmother's house, well grandfather now. But he lives so, so, so, so, so, f**k*** far away! I had my motorcycle with me, but it broke down halfway." Bella explains to Jacob.

"I can fix it, I'm very handy with vehicles."

"Oh, no, no, Jacob, you don't have to."

"But I want to."

"But how do I repay you?"

"This," Jacob push his lips to Bella's, the kiss was passionate. Bella didn't know why, but she kissed him back feeling and tasting his worm lips and tongue.

"You know," She said as the kiss broke. "I get why you are called the Big. Bad. Wolf. But why did they make you the bad guy in the Three Little Pigs?"

"The person who wrote it was a vampire. Oh, if you see a pale, dark clothing, dark hair, with an _I Love Drake_ fan girl T-shirt stay away. No wait go to where the sun shines."

Bella continue her path to her grandfather's, after Jacob left with a warning. Time has pass for a while, then she encounters a stranger with bright golden-yellow eyes.

"Hello," the stranger said in s velvet voice

"Ekk! Who are you?" Bella said, in a frighten voice.

The stranger came a litter closer, but farther away from the sun. He was close enough for Bella to see Jacob's description. "My name is Edward. What's yours?"

"Bella, now get the hell away from me!"

"Why should I?" Edward said, in an intimidating velvet voice. "And were you suppoes to say that to that hairy freak!"

"Don't talk about Jacob like that!" Bella said defending the wolf. "Yes he may be a little hairy, but at least he makes me feel safe."

"Son of a B***h! I was supposed to make her feel safe!" Edward exclaim, in his velvet voice in anger.

Bella walked backward to where the sun is shining. It was glisten her brown her.

"Aw, com'on don't be like that." Edward said, moving closer to Bella as the sun slowly fades away.

"Go away, Edward!" Bella shout at him.

"Has anyone ever tell you, you screams sounds like a voice of an angel?" Edward said in a soft voice.

Bella blushed, but fight the temptation. "Go away!"

"Come here." Edward had his arms wide open.

As the sun fully fades away Edward took the advantage to held Bella in for a kiss. But Jacob stench broke it off quickly. "Gross! You smell like crap!"

Then Edward had a feeling Jacob will be coming soon. "S**t!" Edward ran so fast, he was just a flash to Bella.

Bella heard her rambling motorcycle, and saw Jacob coming. "Thank you, Jacob!"

"Your welcome." Jacob said, as he got off of her motorcycle. When he got near her the stench from Edward was unpleasant to him. "Bella, why do you smell bad?"

"It's what he said." Bella said, shivering. Thinking of Edward cause her to have goosebumps.

"Who?"

"Edward," Bella's voice was hard, as she said her name. Jacob growled hearing the vampire's name. "But he's gone for good Jacob, it's just you and me. And only you and me."

Jacob's face soften a little. "Then you should get going."

They embrace for a long time, knowing they better saver the minutes they'll have together. Not wanting to know what surprises this story has for them.

"You should get him some flowers," Jacob broke the long silence. "You know to surprise him."

"Thanks, Jacob."

Bella turns away from Jacob, she walks to the rose bush to pick a couple of rose. She didn't noetic Jacob ran to the direction that leads to her grandfather's house. When he gets there her knocks on Bella's grandfather's door. There was no answer at first, he tried again. Then Jacob finds the door was unlock. As he enters he finds the house vacated, he walked to the bed and finds a note.

HEY, SO UH… I DIDN'T WANT TO GET

EATTEN ALIVE, CAN YOU BLAME ME?

SO DO THE REAST WITHOUT ME

XOXO -JASPER CULLEN

Jacob pull one of the drawers, he put on a white night gown and a white nightcap. He climb on the bed and practice his old man voice. He waited patiently for Bella. After a while, he heard a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Jacob said in his old man voice.

Bella came in, and walk to the bed in the only room. "My, what big eyes you have grandpa!"

"The better to see you."

"My, what big ears you have!"

"The better to hear you."

"My, what big hands you have!"

"The better to- okay forget it! You already know it's me!"

"This story is such a stereotype; blonds are dumb, and I have brown hair."

"Another stereotype," Jacob gets off the bed. "But I'm not here to talk about stereotype. Bella, when I first saw you my heart beat so fast, I thought I was having a heart attack. When I kissed you, I never wanted to let you go when I hugged you; I want to keep you in my arms and protect you in my arms forever." Jacob's words are getting personal and deep.

"What are you saying, Jacob?!"

"I love you, Bella" Jacob said openly.

"I love you too, Jacob!" Bella exclaim happily.

They kiss passionately for what seem to be a long moment, longer then the last kiss. They heard broken glass as the shadow pass them. They turn and face someone both of them didn't want to meet in a million years. Edward.

"Get away from her you dog!" Edward shout enrage.

"Make me bloodsucker!" Jacob growled, showing his bitter side.

Bella was so afraid she couldn't keep her fear in much longer, she scream. Her screams were so loud it went through the hold house, it even made Jacob and Edward deaf for a moment. Her cries for help attracted Billy the woodsmen's attention. Billy kicked the door down only to find two monsters instead of one.

"There was supposed to be one bad guy in this story. Who started the terror, and let the girl point the culprit." Billy said, lifting his ax up.

Bella look at Jacob into his black puppy eyes. Bella turn to Edward she looked into his bright golden-yellow eyes, as he blow her a kiss, which made her shiver. She turn back to Jacob's pleading eyes. She went back and forth over again and aging. Billy started to get impatiently.

"Com'on young lady, I don't have all day."

Bella takes one last look at Jacob then at Edward. She made her choice, and pointed at Edward.

"He did it!" Bella put herself really close to Jacob.

Edward was speechless for a moment, then he's really piss. "You little b***h, I was going to make you call all of the shoots!"

Then out of nowhere the woodsmen starts to cut Edward in half above his head. Blood was everywhere, on the walls, on the windows, on the floor, on himself, on Jacob and Bella, on the bed, half of the entire inside of the house. Billy was laughing manically as he killed Edward. When the job was done he was still smiling, as he turn to Bella and Jacob.

"Stay safe!"

Bella was shock, as much Jacob is. "I never know vampires had blood too!"

"Me either. In my wolf years I never saw a vampire bleed out."

"The more you know, the more you learn! Bye kids!" Billy told as he left like, nothing never happened.

Bella sees something missing in this fairy tale. "Hey where's my grandpa?"

"He ran away left a note, because he didn't like to be eaten alive." Jacob explains to Bella.

"Oh. Where you planning to eat him?"

"No, I thought of tying him up and putting him under the bed, or in the closet, or something decent."

"Oh, we have to go out and find him."

Bella and Jacob went outside to find Jasper. "Hey, after we found him, do you want to live happily ever after with me?"

"Yes, a thousand times yes! I can finally settle down knowing bloodsucker is dead."

And so they did. They found Bella's grandfather and explain everything to him, also convince him to tell Charlie the truth about his gender change. Bella and Jacob live happily ever after, along with everyone else who lived happily ever after. Well, all accept for Edward.

 **The End**


End file.
